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November 4, 2011
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It was raining again, April showers as it were. Seemed to rain a lot these days, not that Big Macintosh minded at all. The rain better suited his mood. There was a calming effect to the steady cadence of it on the roof, the way it fell on the already sodden grounds. He was cold, sitting on the front porch while the storm circulated around the farm. The cold felt good, too. It reminded him that he could feel something other than pain. It had been a year already and still there was a dull ache in his heart, a wound to his spirit that would never heal. It hurt every day like it had in the beginning.

The door of the house opened and Applejack came out. She had a blanket between her teeth that she draped around Big Macinthosh's withers. Then she took up a seat beside him and they sat together in silence. She sat with him like this a lot in the past year. They spoke less to each other than they had their entire lives, yet somehow they'd grown closer. He knew that without the support of his sisters he wouldn't have made it. Everything he was feeling would have consumed him long ago.

"Big Macintosh, think it's about time we had a talk."

"Don't want to."

"Don't rightly remember askin' if you wanted to or not."

"Not now, AJ." He must have said it forcefully enough because she didn't press the issue any more for a few minutes. Lightning flashed overhead, giving the gloomy day a quick illusion of luminance. Inside there came a peal of filly laughter. Applejack turned her head to glance in through the window. There was a smile on her face when she turned back around. It faded when she looked at her brother. He turned away, reaching up to swipe at moisture on his face that definitely wasn't rainwater.

"Talk to me, big brother. I can't help unless I know what you're thinkin'."

"I'm thinkin' what I'm always thinkin'. That it hurts. That I could'a stopped it from happenin.' That I should'a said what I was feelin' an' not second guessed myself."

Applejack shook her head, her brow furrowing. "You can't blame yourself for any of it, Big Macintosh. It ain't your fault. Now we've let you have your time, watched you just mope around, an' I ain't sayin' bein' sad ain't okay. You got plenty of right an' reason to be sad. But you're forgettin' us, your family. We're still here. We still love you and want you to be part of our lives. But what you've been doin' this past year ain't livin', big brother. It's just survivin'."

He opened his mouth to retort but nothing came out. Tears filled his eyes and he shook his head. He had only been just surviving, it was all he could do. Every morning had him rising to face the day feeling like he was missing half of himself. How did anyone just pick up the pieces and move on from that?

Placing a hoof over his, Applejack spoke softly. "How can we help," she asked, her own voice heavy with emotion, "if you don't talk to us?"

"I don't know," he managed thickly. "I jus' don't know."
This is the first little part of a challenge issued to me by :iconthefirewolfauthor: for a FlutterMac fic. We're not getting along well, this fic and I. But I cannot turn down a challenge! It is simply not in me.

So it will be posted piece by piece, little by little as it comes out and I get to a place where I'm happy with it. Don't ask me when the next update will be, because I really have no idea.

Part One: You Are Here
Part Two: [link]
Part Three: [link]
Part Four: [link]
Conclusion: [link]
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:iconmykah16:
mykah16 Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2012
97% (couldnt read 3 words)
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:iconchicadelmar:
ChicaDelMar Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
So very sad :tears: .. But well written :clap:
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:iconphasingirl:
phasingirl Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thank you. <3
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:iconpumpalolo:
Pumpalolo Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2011
Wait if this is based of off "what hurts the most" then does that mean big mac dies?
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:iconphasingirl:
phasingirl Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2011  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Keep reading to find out. ^_^
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:iconpumpalolo:
Pumpalolo Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2011
lol ok
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:iconxxhopelessfatexx:
XxhopelessfatexX Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2011
:D you're awesome for writing this
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:iconphasingirl:
phasingirl Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2011  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Hey, thanks!
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:iconstarryoak:
StarryOak Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
whats the challenge?
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:iconphasingirl:
phasingirl Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2011  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
To write a fic based off "What Hurts the Most" by Rascal Flats.
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